"Everyone has the right to be treated with respect and the responsibility to respect others”
(www.bullying.org)

Myths & Facts

 

Myths: "Why won't she leave him?"
Facts: Though as a society, we do not want to condone violence, it is important to recognize the challenges in leaving an abusive relationship.

 a) Lack of financial recourses.
E.g.  A stay at home mom with 3 children, where the person who exhibits abusive behaviour has control of all the finances in the house.

b) Fear and Intimidation.
Fear for one’s life and the safety of children.
It is not always simply a feeling of fear and intimidation, but a wife, a husband, and/or children can legitimately fear for their lives or safety at the hands of the people who use abusive behaviour towards them.

c) Stigma- feelings of shame and guilt.
The targeted person of abuse tends to feel like “It is my fault. If I didn’t do .... then it would be fine” or “I shouldn’t have provoked him/her”. It is sometimes very hard to seek help when the targeted person feels ashamed and guilty.

d) Isolation.
People who abuse, tend to isolate the targeted person’s interactions with others who can withdraw from interacting with friends and family. Also family and friends tend to withdraw from the targeted person because they believe they “chose” to be in the abusive relationship. They might think that it is the targeted person's fault instead of recognizing the fact that they are being coerced into staying in the relationship.

e) There are “good times” even in an abusive relationship.
The idea of “Good times” are often used by the people who abuse others to undermine the intensity and severity of the abuse. “Good times” can often be a time where this person gets away with the consequences of their abusive behaviours and where the targeted person thinks and feels that “Everything is fine. Don’t rock the boat.” The person who exhibits abusive behaviour promises that he/she will change and the targeted person believes it.

Research shows that on average it takes 4-5 attempts for targets of abuse to leave an abusive relationship successfully. In fact, leaving an abusive relationship without a safety plan can increase the risk of harm. It is important that people who want to leave violent relationships have support when they choose to leave.

 

Myth: Family violence only happens to minorities and low income families.
Fact: Family violence is a learned behaviour and can happen to any family regardless of race, culture, or income level.